Thoughts/dreams

I've been thinking.. too much? sure... well sometimes things dont need to be considered too much, but they allways do.
Dreams.. fucking dreams.. hope.. Should dreams only stay dream or should you make them come true? thats the question i've been wondering about.
You can get hurt id they come true. ive seen that way too many times. not funny. well, but it was fun while it last.
I adored this man called Sune. Tall, dark hair, moustache.. very beautiful.. more than 10 yrs older than me. i never let age stop me, you see. he's famous. cant tell you more.. but i was terrible in love with him.. it was to me not just a teenage drama. who knows.. i was in love in 1 yrs. 1 yrs where i couldnt stop thinkin about him..
anyway i e-mailed him and wanted to get his atention. so i just wrote - want a blowjob?.. i wasent really expecting. so i got pretty suprised when the anwser 'i'd love to' came up on my screen the next day. i asked him if he was serious, cus actually i'd love to give him one... and he said yes.. ofc.
Well the talk went on about sex and bizarre stuff.. I actually wanted a relationship with him.. my dream.. biggest dream back then.. huge.. couldnt think of anything else. But then it happen.. we met.. at a fancy expensive hotel in inner cph. It was ok.. ofc i was still badly in love, this didnt help it.. the fact is, that he didnt want me.. dumped me, but im still sure he enjoyed it.
I got dumped in a not really nice way.. or can you say dumped whem you're not even in a relationship. i guees not..
i got my feelings out the wrong way.. i said: you want a blowjob?. but i actually ment: I think you're a speciel one. i wanna know more about you.... well that wouldnt have caught his atention... Nice work Ronja..
All this happen 1 1/2 back.. and here i go again. dreaming.. i think it'll just stay dreams.. even though it seems serious enough.. its not the same thing as before.. not at all.. no love.. or what the hell..

x ronja